I just can't get enough

Its been waaaaaaaaay to long since I last blogged hurr. I miss having this random outlet to the random thoughts that accumulate in my mind. Well Sophomore year has gotten off to a great start.

We're about 6 or 7 weeks in and Im actually not procrastinating as much as I normally do, call it growing up? Or call it the fear and anxiety that over comes me when i think of how it will affect my grade. <PARANORMAL ACTIVITY
Okay so half of everyone tells me the movie is so scary and what not.
THEN the other half tells me its stupid and retarded just like the blair witch.
Either way I think it'll probably be stupid sorry guys. 8|

Another year, another year of no halloween.
I've gone trick-or-treating once, I was 5, a cowboy, and I sported an eyeliner mustache.

Today I had a sub in Algebra2 he had a really big ass - END.

OH I MIGHT BE GETTIN A JOB--WASSUP:DDDDD

Tardy for the party.

Im 15 today.
Its a wierd thing to say deffinetely. You know I thought when this day came I would be "different" in some way shape or form. WELL NOPE, that didnt happen.

Im getting older guys, im a litter scurred. But there isnt much I can do. I sort of expected more of this day. I'll take what I can get though definitely. My mom did have to work today and that was rather upsetting, but I got through it. Another thing that was a damper on my day was that there was this car accident in Santee today, we passed the wreckage, it was rather insane to look at. It makes me wonder about things I dont want to think about.

Gah to many odd thoughts on a day I should have enjoyed more. Its coming to a close soon, so whateves.

Theres always next year?
Happy birthday to me :)

i love you.

I feel like ranting about those three treacherous words.I love you, i love you i love you i love you i love you I LOVE YOU ILY I LOVE YOU I FUCKING LOVE YOU.
It seems like now those three words just aren't as important as they used to be. Like when someone utters those words to another it doesn't have the impact it really should.

I think saying these precious words is pretty sacred, and should only be said when you completely mean them. I know I have fallen to the craze of doing so and thats why Im gonna stop, and say it to those who truly in my mind deserve it.

Anyways enough of that. I started school on tuesday, its pretty great I love my classes :D I switched out of honors chemistry because I fail. But Im great with my classes now. I really excited to branch out and make new friends, hopefully.

I said something funny today, but i forgot :|

Dare to be

I think this is gonna be my thing from now on ^^, posting a picture with every blog. It could be fun and Im sure I could get creative with the pictures. I guess this will be like my own little signature with them. No matter how nappy, or nasty I look I will post a picture with each blog.

It surprises me enourmasly when people my age, now were talking about a 14-16 age demographic, handle things as if they were a child of 10. I mean come on how hard is it to look at the situation maturely and handle it maturely. Instead they choose the catty route and exchange harsh words and make a fool of themselves, then decide the most sensible solution is to stop being friends. All Im saying is that you could have handled the situation better rather than freak out and get offended. Yes it wasn't their place to speak and make such a comment, but you handled it just as idiotically.

I dare you to be the bigger person.

Cl---sy and ass

Put them together and you get classy. Thats me and Rebecca for sure, a pair of two classy kids who go better together then peanut butter and jelly. Today we decided to do an outreach, what I mean by this is take our class and bestow the magic upon someone we believe needs a bit of mentoring in the ways of class, lol. So we took Michael, Rebecca's little brother to go get a new classy outfit for school. It didnt take us long to find something but hes afraid to wear it to school because no one wears skinny jeans there.
WHATEVES.

Amanda was supposed to join us today but she got in a fight with Trinity and said she didnt feel like going out. This sort of upset me, I dont think she should let her ruin her day. I mean these idiotic fights happen all the time and then they make only for it to happen again the next week. Personally, thats some little kid bullshit. Were going to be sophomores for christ sake, grow up.

Breathe Carolina is coming fucking October 7th
ITS A FUCKING THURSDAY, aint that some shit?
Im gonna try my best to go anyways. Hopefully it wont end up like last time where Tia was trampled and Sydne fainted afterwards.

My bff got a girlfriend and Im excited for her, this happiness for her has been long overdue. At the beginning I had feeling of replacement and what not and Im not gonna lie I still do. But hey who am I to stand in the way of them. Its okay with me so whateves :) This gives me a chance to grow closer to all of my other friends(amanda) that I sort of lost touch with.

So a win win? lol

Heat in the night.

84 degrees and its midnight, DO NOT WANT.

My mind just went blank.
Good day today though :)

Afraid of what?

Its hard for me to think into the future without instilling fear into myself. Knowing that Im getting older, gaining more responsibility, and having simply "grow up" scares me. In school they're always telling us to plan and head and think of the future, but why? It only makes me panic and fear whats to come. I guess only time will tell if I'll be ready. I honestly thought the world would explode before I ever hit
high school and here I am an upcoming sophomore.

Beyond that, Im excited to be getting back into the routine of school. Im anxious to see everyone and start to learn piano. You know I will be the next Beethoven, or atleast make the effort.

Recently Ive been thinking about money and how I am pretty happy with what I have. Although I think things could be better with "spending" money, Im perfectly happy with being broke. There are things here and there I wish I could afford but what is life without working for something you want? I dont see any use if having everthing handed to you. So dare I say Im excited to get a job when I am at an actual age where someone will hire me? Possibly.

Slap to the face

I dont know what to say really.
Just blegh.

I fell again.
Help me up.

Finally

My best friend is back in town and I am now complete. My moms been a real bitch today. We got to go to the beach anyways but not after a few minutes of intense stare downs, aggressive words and slaps.

I had a great time at the beach with Tia, we got dragged out in rip currents and had to be saved twice. I loled afterwards, we are so ridiculous.
My mom continues to be a royal asshole supreme.

I hope she doesnt shit on my tomorrow.

teaspoon!

I hate cleaning the carpet, especially with the ancient machine that my parents call a steam cleaner. I dont think I did it right but they seem to say I did a fine job. I better get some shoes for this hard labor. I want to get me some vans that I saw on the internets. Have you ever seen something and like NEED to have it. Yeah well those shoes are going to be mine. They're an affordable price so I dont see why we cant make it a reality.

Today I went to Kim's and we pretty much had a cooking bonanza. I had a nibble of everything we made, and it was delicious. I think we are Food Network material for sure. We could call our show Kim & Andrew's delicious deserts and other amazing treats. I could see us get as big as Paula Dean, so she better watch out.

I got the pictures from the photo shoot with Devin. I worked it, you know.
hahhaha
(click for big)

Wednesday's mending

Today was a good day, although not over, id be satisfied with it right now it it did. I hungout with my friend Michele. I havent seen her in a while, we sort of fell out of touch last summer. I've missed her greatly and Im glad we took today and finally went through with our plans. We talked about many things and caught up on everything. I hope we become better friends like we used too. I could really use a friend like her, just someone who is happy and sort of carefree.

I broke my phone at Rebeccas party sunday night. I was uhm in a delusional state to say the least and I dropped my phone in the toilet. I tried that trick when you put your phone in a bowl of rice over night. Well it worked for the most part. My phone functions now, I just dont get service. So failllll.

I need to file a claim to get a new one.
I WANT THE FUCKING PALM PRE.

A smile for you.

I dont know what happened today, but it was for the best. I began to think about somethings that are bothering me and I came to the realization that I dont need be letting these things bother me. Most of these things are bothering me because of me. I have lately turned into an asshole, and I can see that.

In my previous blog I talked about wanting to rid myself of bad "things" and what not. I still want to do that but take a different approach to it. I want to rid myself of my bad attitude, well not so much my bad attitude but the attitude I have towards certain people and things.

Lately Ive been pushing my own best friend away. Ive been a dick to her and lots of other people.

Im gonna be a better person, I am gonna be happy.
I do always have a smile on my face but this time its gonna be a smile with a reason behind it.
Things are gonna change.

you were right.

I dont know what it is. It could be all the sudden feelings of regret, or maybe its seeings you everyday for a whole school year thats taken us to the place we are now in our friendship. Im not saying I regret out friendship but the choices I've made while being in said friendship. Is a new best friend something I need?

Things just arent the way they used to be. I dont want to try to make them the way they used to, I just want it to happen.
hvlbasdifnqefrewincv D:<

I dont know.
I need to quit myspace, I know I wont. But I surely want to. Ive become to absorbed in it and its, for the lack of a better term, dumbess.

Have you ever felt like you need to clense yourself? Not like take a shower and get clean but like do a self improvement. Rid yourself of un-needed "things" for you to feel "better". Its hard to explain but thats what Im feeling.

Where to start and what needs to go is what confuses/scares me.
:/

oh yes

Im starting to come around to this short hair thing. Im actually liking it alot, I can see myself keeping it short for a while, maybe even all of sophmore year. I mean it is time for a change, I've had long hair for a while now. Its easier to manage too, no fussing with it and shit. I feel cute :)

Yesterday was Natalie's birthday so Happy Birthday to her. Altought I totally failed at making her the cake because I put too much cake mix in each pan and it turned into a sort of giant cupcake we made it work. That cake was delicious despit it being a bit under cooked. Her birthday didnt go a certain way we would have wanted it too but what we got was great anyways.

We thought it would be a good idea to go on a late night stroll to the park. It was going great for a while, until the police showed up and we had to bolt. Not gonna lie I was scared for two seconds. It was a real rush though, from what she has written Natalie enjoyed her birthday so success!

Tia leaves tomorrow for Denver, sure I'll miss her. hahahahah
see what I mean, cute :D ^^^

Its crossed my mind

I feel guilty for having the thought that you are stealing my thunder. I know its probably not intentional on your part or anything and its the way I am perceiving these things make me feel this way. Yet I am the one getting jealous. Things are becoming more difficult as the days go on. Sheesh, I hate brains.

I rant alot about useless things, I guess it helps in a few ways.

I think people get bored of me.
Shit.

Danjuhh

Mmmm its been a while since the last time I posted one of these. Not much has changed really.

I am out of summer school now :) I passed Geometry with a A-, so Im pretty happy about that. I have yet to be able to sleep in because of various interruptions and such. Tomorrow is my day to sleep in, I can feel it!
My mom's birthday was last tuesday, shes 43 now and Amandas birthday was thrusday, shes 16 now. Oh and I have a new cousin as of friday! Her names Brenda, well I guess you could call her my cousin? I dont exactly know the relationship between the daughter of my cousin to me.

Hopefully summer can really take off now you know. I wanted to go to the beach tomorrow but I really dont see that happening.

Ive got someone on my mind, I have for the past two weeks. Im a sucker for sweet talk.

Dang it.

I say jump

Its been a few days since I last posted something. Basically my summer is finally taking off. Although I'm still in summer school I'm not sitting at home doing nothing afterwards anymore. I'm getting out and seizing the day that I have.

This last weekend has been nothing but family and I enjoyed pretty much every minute of it. Ive missed being with family like it used to be all the time. Not saying that I'm gonna be with family all the time from now on but I would like a lot more of it. 4th of July was my cousins quinceniera that I was in, I wore a snazzy zoot suit type tuxedo. It was a great day and she looked so gorgeous in her dress. I was really close to crying during her ceremony thingy, lols big softy. Tia was there to spend 4th of July with me. First 4th of July together<333

Recently I hung out with Monica and I realized how much I have missed being around her. The both times we hung out in the last two weeks have been nothing but laughs and more laughs. I loved every minute I spent with her and our kite. We made lasagna and it came out delicious and better than anything Olive Garden can offer you.

Summer school is over next week. I have to say it sort of makes me sad. I liked summer school for that fact that it left me with something to do for 5 hours of my day rather than sit at home in that time like everyone else probably was. I got a new friends out of it, its all been good.

Hope things continue this way.

let me tell you something

Meticulous kids annoy the shit out of me. Not all of them just the certain type, the certain type that seem to put up a front, a fake persona that they want everyone else to see to make them seem a certain way, use different vocabulary, wear certain clothing and stuff like that. I see through you, and you annoy me.

After last thursday things like that wont be happening for a while, or so severely. It was just an off night. Having that sort of fun is out of my system for now, I cant say I didnt have a good time though. Got a concept for a book, hah.

I think Im gonna go through some changes and although they maybe subtle, they will change things and the people around me. Its something Ive been wanting to do for a while and now after a chain of events Ive decided to do so. You may not notice anything or maybe you will.

I have a voice and its about time I make myself heard.

Dont Worry About It.

Since the last post of mine my summer has sort of taken off a bit. I must say the most exciting thing Ive done was go to a sixth grade graduation at my older elementary. It might not sounds that amazing to you, but you have no Idea. I probably laughed the most that night than I have in a really long time. Michael know he loved us screaming the loudest when his name was called.

So if you ask me if my summer has taken off, I'll happily respond Yes.

Summer school isn't that bad anymore Ive gotten used to the fact that I chose to go and its gonna help me out in the long run. Dare I say that I'm actually starting to enjoy it? I just might, so don't judge me. I mean if you get past the 5 hours of geometry and other lame elements of it, its not so bad and its definitely better than sitting at home doing nothing at all.

After a number of conversations with certain people, Im starting to realize that Im becoming annoyed with some of my friends because Ive become more aware of how whinney some of them are and hypocritial and just plain annyoing. I dont know if I will be doing something about it because I chose these people as my friends flaws and all right? Well I really do hope I do nothing.

Intelligent Imput

Im starting to feel dumb. So Im taking Geometry during the summer to get ahead and take Chemistry sophomore year the class is really making me feel stupid. Math is pretty much my best subject but I keep getting 69-85 on tests and craap. GAHWD.

Im still waiting for summer to take of into a miraculous chain of events that make me never want it to end but it still hasnt happened. Not really done anything fun either.

I NOTICED TRON IS FOLLOWING MY BLOG LASK;JFHUQB <3>

Cant Concentrate

Fuck.
School ended Thursday, freshmen year over. It seems as like it was just yesterday that it started and I was shitting my pants about starting high school. I really do think I missed out this year on a few things. I didnt do everything I really wanted too, and I let a few people hold me back from those things. Alot of things have happened this year dumb shit, bad shit, fun shit, lame shit. If I could Id change things.

Summer school starts monday, the joy of six weeks of nothing but 5 hr days of Geometry. I want to get out this summer, leave San Diego to somewhere Ive never been before.

Visit my best friend Malcolm in Tucson would be nice.
I want this to be a good summer.

Laptop shit in half, no stickam for a good few weeks.

Orly?

Angry rant;
I honestly could care less what you do, or in this case ''who'' you do. Dont think for one second that I get stuck would stuck on you and your latest interest. Its not my priority, sorry?

Not angry rant;
Today was no finals but I had two hours of AVID which was still hell. As much as I dont want school to be over I want finals to end.
Not much to say today.

I fall for people to easily.
Damn.

Im Tangled Up in You.

The post name is irrelevant, in case you were wondering.

Alright so today I was late for school because I woke up at 8:00 and school starts at 8:15. On top of that I took my biology final today. It was stressful but thankfully i passed!!! It was a relief and now I have a solid B in that class. Im really striving for A's and B's this semester, mainly because my dad said Id get a laptop if I did. Now just for that english final, if I pass that means I'll go from a C to a B. Anyways enough of that.

A month ago I started getting calls from a restricted number who'd just sit there and say nothing. Eventually they started to talk to me. I've grown somewhat of a friendship with this person, I've come to call them 'Kiddo'. I can't say I know much about this person, but I like talking to them. I guess something about not know who they are is relieving in a way if that makes sense. I do hope someday I'll learn who they are but for now Im perfectly fine not knowing who they are. We talk a few times a week or so, sometimes about something and other times about nothing. Im really glad this person decided to call me randomly.

School is just a few days from its end. I cant say Im ready for it to end because Im not. Im one of those rare kids that actually enjoys school, I mean without it I sit at home bored doing nothing. School keeps me occupied. I am somewhat excited for sophmore year because I chose to take piano, and its something Ive been wanting to learn.

Signing yearbooks is something I enjoy. It makes me reflect on memories I have with the person im writing to. I guess I do get sort of Halmark-y haha, but I mean everything I write. Im too broke to afford a yearbook. Im okay with it though.

Until next time.

K-A-N-G

Memorial Day is today.

I was just watching Scrubs and the episode was about a man facing death. It was sort of hard for me to watch because me, myself am afraid of death. I've always tried to avoid the thought of it because a weird feeling comes over me. I guess thats why I still somewhat have my faith. I dont tell my friend about that much, my faith I mean, its mostly because today religion is looked as something bad like a reason to look down upon someone.

My parents came home last night and they havent missed a beat. Things are back to normal and I love it. Schools almost over which will throw things out of whack but then there is summer school. Ive come to terms that Im not gonna a job this summer, it might be fromt he lack of trying. Hahha.

Goodnight.

Struttin' my feet.

Its late right now, and I cant seem to find a comfortable spot to fall asleep.

Last night I had my party and it was pretty amazing. It started out Devin, Natalie and I. We had a little bonding time on my balcony. I think about it and it makes me smile. Then Rebecca, Alyssa, and Jay got here and we played 'I have never' with drinks. It brought on so many laughs, I really cant remember the last time I've laughed so much in one night. Tia didnt arrive till like forever later, in my opinion she missed out on some good times.

The later it got the crazier things got. Everyone ended up making out with everyone that night, it was pretty ridiculous. I got the shit scarred out of me because Devin got really wasted and started puking. We got him situated though and checked on him like every 5 minutes. Not everything that night was okay with me, like some things that went on with Tia and just me letting loose and being a hoe. Definitely not cool in my book. Although I had a good time I do have some regrets. Except for when I finally got fed up with this kids shit and told him off. He is no longer speaking to me, and frankly I could care less.

My parents are leaving Mexico later today, I say later today because technically its Sunday. Im really excited for them to get here. This house needs some order restored.

Yeah I Bet.

Its wednsday so that means my parents have been gone for 5 days now. I sure do miss them. I guess it really takes them to be gone for me to appreciate them. Its really quiet and lonely around the house. There isnt the constant movement there used to be, and my parents arent always yelling at us to pick up and stuff.

The starving part isnt happening, thank god. Ive cooked all the meals since my parents have been gone. I feel like Im taking care of my siblings when it should be them taking care of me because Im the youngest. Oh well, I love them anyways.

This week has been a pretty great week, Ive had some "fun" that'd I'd rather not go into detail about but its gonna continue this friday because Im gonna have a little kickback with a few friends.

Summer is sooo close.
D:

Around the World, Around the World

Tomorrow Friday and I couldnt be more excited. There's two reasons for such excitement; one being that my parents are leaving for a whole week!, and another being im going to go to a party with Tia tomorrow!

Im a little worried about the whole parents gone for a week thing though. My brother isnt really much of a cook and he can barely take care of himself. Another thing Im worried about is the fights, my sibling dont tend to get along well with one another. I feel as if Im going to be the one taking care of them instead of them taking care of me.

Summer is coming faster and faster, I really want to get a summer job. Its not really going well but Im hopefull.

:)

Mommy, I love you.

As of almost an hour ago its mother's day. Mother's Day is sort of an emtional holiday because my mom gets emotional when we do stuff for her and then it leads to all of us becoming emotional. Also because my pastor always does sermons on how you should value your mother and all that on mother's day and it always makes me cry. Softyyy.

I love my mom, I love everything shes done for me. She never gave up on this family when she easily could have walked out a few years ago when things got rough. Shes sacrificed so much for me and this family. I consider her a supermom because of the things she does on a daily basis. What I'd do without her is beyond me.

So today(Saturday) I went to a call back with Tia at Barbizon. It was pretty intense, I got so nervous for Tia. Once she got up there though it all went away. Im so proud of her and I wish her the best.

I hate when Natalie reads my blogs out loud in tech class, I want to punch her in the face when she does so. Fair warning Natalie.

I want a summer job really bad, so I can be more independent and start saving up for something I really want. What that might be is still unknown to me but when I do I want the money for it. Its going to be alot with summer school and all, but Im sure I can manage...hopefully.

h to the izz-o, v to the izz-a

I really enjoy when songs that you have completely forgotten about come on and you just cant help but dance. Every time that happens to me its like i re-live the feelings I felt when I heard that song, its a weird feeling.

I know I talk about this alot but I wonder why I get so emotional during TV shows. I kind of think of myself like May from The Secret Life of Bees, haha. It may not make sense to you but it does to me. I guess its because when I see sad parts in movies, TV shows, etc. I put myself in the shoes of whoever this misfortune is happening to. I guess also its because I've been through some misfortune myself and seeing them makes me think about them and re-live the fear, and pain I felt in my misfortune.Anyways enough of that.

Today in geography we got the assignment of writing a story of what I believe it would be like in the day of the life of someone living in a favela. I'm really excited about writing it and I sort of think I may be taking it way to seriously, but I'm pumped and cant wait to start. Lets just hope I don't procrastinate horribly.

School is coming closer and closer to an end. Being that school is coming to and end makes me face the reality of how fast time passes. It seems as just yesterday I was walking onto Grossmonts campus for the first time scared out of my mind.

The series finally of Scrubs is tonight. I missed this whole season D:<
Its odd for me when a show ends because I think of the characters as real people and as if they still live on but the show doesn't air anymore. I know it probably doesn't make any sense, but oh well.

Its the same thing.

Its been proven that most people have heart attacks on Mondays because of the stress of the oncoming week. The other week in my biology class we watched a video on heart attacks. I'm intrigued by the thought of a "attack" on your heart being brought on by a horrible array of perfect conditions. I just hope that one day I don't fall victim to a heart attack.

So as you may know if you read my previous post, I cut my hair. I was really nervous this morning to go to school and have everyone see my hair. To my surprise everyone generally liked it. Either that or they just all tried to make me feel good about it, haha. In all honesty this morning I wasn't feeling to good about my haircut. Its starting to grow on my everyday. I told my friend Tia today that I thought I looked like a really scrubby dyke, but dare I say I think I look cute.


Tomorrow I dont have to wake up early. I need some new pants, for some reason my crotch really enjoys eating away at my pants. :/

Oh and by the way, this is pretty much no different than yours.

Haircut Sunday.

I followed through with it and cut my hair today. There isnt much to say about the way it looks. I hate the question "how short is it?" because I dont know how to describe the length of hair. I feel like if I actually tried their mental image would be way off.

I saw Marley & Me with Kim today. I cried, which only further proves my point that I am a big softy when it comes to movies and television. I dont know why I get so emotional so easily. Its starting to become a problem though.

My parents are going on vacation in 12 days. Im going to left alone with my sister and my older brother, this is gonna be interesting. I want to just go and stay with Amanda while they're gone.

I already miss my hair.
Todays just not my day.

Brownies on a Saturday.

Tia spent the night last night, woke up this morning with a black bear in my living room. Later in the afternoon I got to see Amanda, we made brownies. Words can not describe how delicious those brownies were. I ate them with mint chocolate chip ice cream. NUFF SAID.

The school year is coming to an end soon. Im sort of terrified, it seems like the years are going by quicker and quicker. I dont like time going past me so quick. It barely gives me time to enjoy things. It seems as if 2009 started yesterday and its already May.

Im cutting my hair tomorrow. I have no idea what the hell im going to do with it, but im cutting it for sure. Im excited, sorta.

Kim i love you :)

CHOPPIN' SHIT.

For the first time today I woke up without being tired. Block scheduling is still going on at school because of state testing so I got to sleep in till 8:00. I had to walk to school today, that was sort of relaxing.

School was pretty boring. We watched this movie called Favela Rising, that was an intense movie. Its about these slums in Rio De Janiero which is in brazil and the violence and drug trafficking goes on in them. I almost got emotional in some parts, haha. I do think I am a pussy when it comes to movies. It ended nicely so I liked the movie very much.

It was supposed to be movie night tonight with Natalie but the movie didnt finish downloading so fail. Tomorrow Im going to make brownies with Amanda, oh yeah and Im chopping off my hair this weekend. Im not really sure what it is that I am going to do with it but I just want it cut.

Me and Tia are friends again.
:)

Wednesday's Rant

So I don't know how long this has been going on but for as long as I can remember I always get teary-eyed easily. Im like some sort of a pussy I guess, hah.

Today in school we did state testing on biology,I didnt get any of the questions so maybe i need to start paying more attentionin class, I pretty much winged that test.I hope I don't get a support next year because of that stupid test.

Ive come to notice that I hate to read. I often tell people that I love to read but I actually hate it, its annoying. I never read on my own, I always have to be told to read. When I do read though I get into it. So maybe there is hope for me yet.

Im starting to get into this blogging thing.

Shits weak.

I dont understand how someone who says they're
my best friend could do something so stupid like that.
She manipulated me to find out secrets.

Theres no doubt im going to miss her,
but I cant forgive her for what she did.

Lame weekend.

School Filters

SCHOOL FILTERS RUIN EVERYTHING.
Once I find and entertaining game or somthing to keep my occupied, the school always finds somthing wrong with it and blocks it.

Im starting to dislike Tech Class.